The Internet...

Let's get one thing right out in the open before we begin... I am addicted to the internet. Be it news, information, entertainment or just trying to waste away a day looking at new memes and photo-shopped images of Emma Watson in a onesie being fisted by a ocelot (I'll almost guarantee it's out there). The web has changed the world as we know it. For god's sake we call this the Information Age mostly due to the use of the internet and it's ability to connect you directly to any bit of information mankind has ever recorded... Ever... You can learn about anything you ever dreamed of. Do you want learn how to crochet? You bet your  sweet little ass you do! The internet is there to teach you, guide the way, and be your friend every step of the way to a shitty birthday scarf for your friend (fuck you Todd). It allows you to connect with your friends, your boss, your neighbor or jump on Omegle and talk to some random pre-pubescent Newfoundlander who wants to know all about your sexy things. It's referred to Information Highway (which is just a cool term for "that thing we use to look up funny pictures of cats while we pretend to actually work.") because it virtually is the entrepot of everything mankind has to offer. Especially adorable, doltish, borderline retarded cats.

Fact: Antifreeze makes your pet 450% more adorable.

The internet is a vital part of research and education in our times. Find me one college student who hasn't literally jumbled a Wikipedia article around to avoid plagiarism in the past three years and I'll find you a gerbil that can effectively alter the space time continuum with the business end of its ass. The simple fact is that both of these thing don't fucking exist whatsoever (Get on it Science!). From research papers to in-class studies and presentations, the internet has proved vital to education. Laptops are literally required for an education it seems. This is actually a beautiful thing. Think of it, learning on a god-damned global scale. This means more cultured and well rounded students (and abominate artsy pricks). At the same time it has helped students, it has rendered many college presentations a Ritalin addled ramble of what-the-fuckery due to too much time spent procrastinating with addictive flash games and the absolute void that is internet porn. In fact, I'm watching porn right now! Do you have ANY idea what kind of multitasking this takes!? DO YOU!?

As you can see here, there is a direct correlation between "research" and tendonitis!

While growing up we didn't have the musings of the internet. I don't remember what me or my friends did for fun as a kid before my first dial-up connection, but I'm pretty sure we went outside or something. Either way that information has been mostly deleted and replaced with countless amounts of  rage comics. Now i can't look down my street without seeing a toddler sporting an I-Phone reading Dora the Explorer's latest tweet. Is it a good thing that the youth is being exposed to such a volatile thing such as The World Wide Web? The seedy underbelly of the internet encompasses all of the exact things we don't want them to see or even know about! It's only a matter of time before your nine-year-old misspells the word "goat" on Google and runs into one of the most horrific images ever published! How will you explain that to them? Can you even IMAGINE having "The Talk" with your kid after they have already been exposed to Lemon Party and Tub-Girl?
Something to think about before you give a kid the omniscience that lies online.

Well, there goes my innocence.

Overall the net is just there to store information. Weather it be about quantum mechanics or prego-sex. It has changed the world for both better and worse. We can't blame the internet. It never did anything to us. It's just like a really smart friend who has pictures and diagrams of everything. A place to create, connect, masturbate and learn.

I am Kevin Amend and I fucking LOVE the internet

I started this blog today as a new project. I have no history with writing or proper grammar. Bare with me.